面具之内

我推荐所有的男性友邻都看一看这部纪录片（女性也可以看）。masculine这块可能是中国为数不多比美国“稍好”一点的地方（指不会发生枪击），但也绝对没有任何可以称之为改良的进步。作为男性，我时常感觉周围的男性有些糟糕，更经常感受到自己的糟糕。我觉得我们可能多少有点残缺，好像哪里少了点什么东西，而远在美国的真实情况告诉了我这并不是偶然。除了真实，这部纪录片打动我的还有我在其中看到了自己以及我自己经验的映射，有些部分让我产生了共鸣。我甚至觉得自己要是生在美国，可能就会活得像其中的一个男人。我想我们最大的问题是，把正常人类的一部分情绪贴上男子汉的标签，告诉我们你应该使用那些情绪；而另外一些情绪则贴上女性标签，禁止男性表达。当男性想要或者应该表达这些情绪的时候，只能发现自己的心已经变得空洞、迟钝、冷漠，所会的只剩下发怒和攻击。我不知道动物世界里的雄性会不会也有“非雄性”情绪或者行为表现的需要，人类也是动物，但我想获得了人性建立了文明的人类应该有所改变。这部纪录片的名字叫《面具之内》，伤感、痛苦、孤独、脆弱，都是藏在男性面具下面的东西。很巧的是，就在昨天我起床时抱怨了一声要上早课，好痛苦，然后我的室友接话说：“戴上（快乐）面具吧。”（但事实上我后来并没有起床上课，我选择了翘课睡觉）

男性气质（masculinity）是这部纪录片主要探讨的话题，导演用具体的事件、数据以及多方的陈述（如教育家、少管所的人）来全方位地为我们揭示男性气质毒害了谁，对我们的社会以及文明造成了怎样的伤害。

-

与平时大家常提及的女权侧重点不同，这部片子重点放在了男性气质本身对于男性的影响。男性气质让男孩子强制与固有观念上的女性气质分离，这意味着男性被要求不可以哭泣，不可以诉苦，不可以关注艺术，不可以不会体育，不可以不酷，不可以不物化女性，否则你将会被男生群体驱逐，被父亲排挤，被教练诋毁，被男权社会视为不齿，最终引发个人的暴力性格的畸形，社会的性格观念逐步固化和社会危机的加深。

-

与大众所认知的“先进的美利坚”不同，在这部片子里，我同样也看到美利坚潜在社会危机的一面。联系“Black lives matter”背后的教育根源，和男性气质的教育背景进行比较，我发现两者有高度的重合。它们都属于一种恶性循环，黑人运动是教育的固化导致了阶级的固化，而阶级的固化将教育的收口进一步拉窄；男性气质是社会男权文化下延伸出男权的教育体系所培养的，而这种教育体系会将一步一步深化对性别观念的偏见，以至于一代一代我们很难改变这种窘况。其实无论是性别问题还是种族问题，他们都涉及当下我们社会的底层弊病，伤害的是我们一整个社会。

-

但可惜的是，绝大多数这样的社会问题会被推诿到个人身上，真正意识到问题的人少之又少。校园抑郁症被视为孩子收到的保护太多而过于脆弱，强j案被当成受害者的不道德，性少数群体被批判搞什么特殊……许多时候那些问题都被不了了之，或者将极其不人道的罪行简化为“一种意外”，可当类似的事件时有发生时，却已经极少能够被媒体报道了。

-

一切形式的歧视都源于无知和狭隘。男性气质不仅是教育的悲哀，也是文明的悲哀。男性气质排斥着个人性别发展的健康化，也阻碍社会发展的多样化。只有回归本源让每一个人都能在不危害他人的前提下发展自己的特性，免受社会过时的束缚，每一个人才能真正地获得自我价值。

缺乏性教育 性教育来源:网络电子色情片杂志，展现的是暴力强奸 不要就是要的信息回应，导向成年恶性性关系，对于男性影响:强奸这一概念的辩解，无需为自己的行为辩解 「男孩的成长方式使得他们隐瞒天性，脆弱 并将感情移情到男子气概的面具背后然后当他们最痛苦的时候，他们不能寻求帮助，因为不允许，否则就不是真正的男生他们会感到羞愧，并羞于摆脱」 男子从小被规训为:不直面流露感情 对敏感情绪反应几乎为零，情感分析上的没有，不可以哭，不能想像女人那样不善于表达总是沉默（他们贬低女性化特质，男性层级上有强弱）被教会的是控制掌握 （权力掌控欲 强奸）影视资源媒体影像男人的形象深入人心 「男性的思维被训练为，将女性身体物质化商品化，无论是直接买春还是间接的买色情片，这并不涉及到他们如何看待自己作为性别个体 以及女性的性需求」（比如嫖娼，需要的是高度服从无思想无理由只有听话这样，服务于我，女性就是个商品我来买） 「但他们看到的不止是性本身，这是把残忍和性别歧视高度标准化，并且同性行为连同起来」（排斥同性恋害怕被他人视为客体，失去作为“男人”的资格和同性集体的认同感） 「接触色情物增加22％的性侵，并增加31％的强奸迷思（女性渴望性暴力）」 「我们对男孩和男人做的事，我称之为大陷阱，我们将孩子养大成人，他们的身份认知建立在拒绝女性化，然后我们还要诧异他们为什么不把女人当做完整的人，于是我们给他们下了一个套，让男孩成长过程中从本质上不尊重女性，然后奇怪为什么我们会有这样的文化」 男性对团体意识重视，他们认为这是优于女人的地方 他们可以建立团体，但是有一个原则是他们不能出卖伙伴 于是等真正坏事发生的时候 他们的意识和心理是产生矛盾的 意识行为告诉自己不能出卖伙伴 但是心里认为这样做是错误的 「同伴文化中有一些力量使得男人沉默，尽管男人知道那样是错误的，他们什么也不说，什么也不做，因为他们计算过，如果说了做了，会危机他们在同伴文化中的地位」（归属感，男人确定自己是男人是由同伴来确定的，自动将女性归为客体） 「理解自己拥有杀死另一个人的能力，最好的解释是:那时候我不在乎自己的命，所以我也不把别人的命当回事」 「说他们受着羞耻支配也就是说他们没有自尊和自爱（受虐及受忽视的儿童犯罪率可能提升了9倍）」（性侵） 「无论是杀人还是自杀借助这种不顾一切行为的通常都是被羞愧和耻辱感淹没的人」 「我们需要重新定义男人的力量，不是控制他人而是支持正义的力量，正义意味着平等与公平」

He wears a mask,and his face grows to fit it.--George Orwell

We've constructed an idea of masculinity in the United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity,so we make them go prove it all the time.

The first lie every boy learns in America is we associate masculinity with athletic ability.Size,strength,or some kind of skill set.Those boys that can catch a down and out,or hit the hanging curve,are elevated.They're set up for a tremendous failure and frustration in life,because being a man doesn't have a single thing to do with athletic ability.You think about all the other boys on that playground,they don't just want to play sports,they want to do computers or music or drama or debate.

Second lie every boy learns,is that we associate masculinity with economic success.You know,it's been said that comparison is the thief of all happiness,so if you're building your sense of masculinity based on power or possessions,there's always going to be someone that has more,that leads to an incredible empty life of striving for things at the expense of what's really important in life.

Then the third criteria is that as a culture,we associate sexual conquest with masculinity.Associating that with masculinity is so dehumanizing.Those words are designed to keep boys silent,to keep them conforming to the construct.

There's a dominance hierarchy,there are tough guys who are on the top and there are weaklings,girls,who are the bottom of the heap.Now this is the origin of sexism and homophobia.In sexism,it's that a girl isn't as strong as a boy.With homosexuality,the gay man,becomes the most stigmatized version of weakness and sissiness.What happens in your relation with other kids,is that you pick out someone who appears weak in that way,you maybe bully him,but maybe it's just a more subtle kind of demeaning.And you start hating that thing about him that you're afraid of in yourself.

We recognize more and more that adolescents are more likely to be depressed and suicidal,but we imagine that that will be female adolescence,because of the way we define depression,more removed,more quiet,not responding.What boys tend to do when they are getting depressed,is actually the opposite.Boys are more likely to act out,they're more likely to become aggressive using cursing words and screaming at people.But most people see it as a conduct disorder,or just the bad kid...and what happens?Before they see the other signs of depression,which will come in adolescent males just as females,that young male may become suicidal but no one has noticed it.

We have a rape culture.What that means is that individual rapists aren't just crawling out of the swamp,they're being produced by our culture.

We live in a world,right here in our country,where men 's violence against women is at epidemic proportions.

I call what we do to our little boys and men,"the great setup".We raise boys to become men whose very identity is based on rejecting the feminine and then we are surprised when they don't see women as being fully human.So we set them up,we set boys up to grow into men who disrespect women at a fundamental level,and then we wonder why we have the culture that we have.

One of the things that has provoked so much anger in American Society today,is this notion of "aggrieved entitlement"--that men feel entitled to positions of power and all that.But they don't feel like they're getting them as much anymore.That's the injury.Not that I was in power,but that I was entitled to be.

The father wound is any on-going psychological,emotional deficit or injury that would have been met in a healthy relationship.So the father wound is probably one of the most serious issues in this country.Wounding boys become wounding men apart from some kind of intervention.In my own healing process,I took myself as an adult man and myself as a five-year old boy,and I walked both of them back down my mother's basement steps and there I confronted my father.Five-year old boys are supposed to be loved,they're supposed to be tucked in at night.It's an amazing thing when I did that work,because it was the first time I ever had empathy for my own father.I started to think about who hurt him in a way that he would be so angry as he was?I think every man's journey is how do you reconnect that heart to the head.To start living out of the authentic you.

Everyone deserves to feel whole.And each of us can do our part in expanding what it means to be a man for ourselves and the boys in our lives.

Many of us are operating,from a place of tradition,just the way things have been.We need to get men into their hearts and out of their heads.There's freedom outside of these rigid definitions of manhood.

We need to redefine strength in men,not as the power over other people,but as forces for justice,and justice means equality and fairness,and working against poverty,and working against,you know,inequality and violence.That's strength.And we need more men who have the courage to stand up and speak out,even when it means taking a risk.To go into male culture,and say some things that are going to make other men uncomfortable.Because this is about leadership.

Empathy and caring for other people and being sympathetic toward people,these are not just feminine traits or behavior patterns,these are human patterns.

Take the challenge.

Exert your influence.

We all have a role to play in creating a healthier culture.